


Still Clueless

by finch (afinch)



Category: Clueless (1995)
Genre: Adult Life, Post-Canon, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 00:10:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5518208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afinch/pseuds/finch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 2016, Cher is still as perfect as ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Still Clueless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miggy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miggy/gifts).



> Yuletide treat! I saw your prompt and loved it, enjoy!

_"So then I hear her say 'As if!' before she slams the door. When did the 90s start coming back, Cher?"_

Di always calls me for stuff like this. As her bestie, it's my duty to pick up the phone and listen. Leave it to Di to get freaked out about her daughter. Di hadn’t always been a worrier. Not until her little bundle of joy, Naleada (don't ask me, I'm only the godmother) came along. Then everything was a threat. The worst was when perfume was a threat. She made me swear not to put any on before visiting her little angel. 

That was 15 years ago. Now Naleada is carrying the torch at Bronson Alcott with, I'm proud to announce, Moss. I'm sure I don't need to tell you which fashion icon she's named after. I know, naming your child after a model is a risky move, especially a daughter,but Moss has lived up to the challenge. She's only THE most popular girl in school, whom everyone looks up to. 

It helps that her mother is the president of the HOA and vice-president of the PTA. Don't think I'm overshadowing Di. She's the vice-president of the HOA and the president of the PTA. Naleada and Moss have been best friends since Di and I were pregnant at the same time. (I handled it much better and didn't freak out about everything after Moss was born.) 

_"The 90s never really left us, Di, you know that. Now, is Murray at the shop?"_

Yes, Murray and Di stayed together through college, and they are still as adorable now as they were then. “The shop” is The Cat's Meow, a pet care boutique for the rich and famous that Di and I started after we realized that the crushing weight of capitalism could only be beaten by some venture capital of our own. Daddy wanted me to be a lawyer, but I make just as much money as he does, so he's begrudgingly okay with it. I mean, I married a lawyer, so that half-counts, right? 

And it wasn't Josh. I mean, don't get me wrong, Josh and I had a wonderful relationship. While it lasted. He was far too serious for me, and I got the feeling he wanted me to be more arm candy and not the strong independent woman I was raised to be, and have never compromised. We're still good friends, though, and I allow him to be honorary godfather to Moss. He spoils her like he is his own. She calls him Uncle Josh, which is really for the best when you think about it. Too complicated otherwise. 

_"Murray is under strict orders to follow the grooming sheet, and he's going to do it. We need to talk about this latest zoning proposal from the City."_

Most HOAs are full of stuffy old ladies who have nothing better to do than measure their neighbors’ bushes. Di and I aren't like that, and I think the neighborhood likes us better for it. Instead, we focus on things that matter, like the new car wash they wanted to put in just four blocks away. Everyone knows that car washes are a sign of economic decline and only bring down the value of the surrounding properties. Di and I got the whole Association to testify at the City Council about it, and they wound up cancelling the whole project. Or relocating it closer the the Valley, but that's practically the same thing.

Now the City wants to re-zone some class-C property to a class-B, which would allow them to build _apartments_ up to four stories high! Apartments! Is this what the world is coming to in the 21st century? Granted, the home I own isn't as big as Daddy's, but I'm not as old as him yet, so I have time. But who would want to live in a place they don't actually _own_?! Ugh. And how would that look for us? With lower-class apartments right in our ward!

Don't get me wrong. I'm very dedicated to helping the disadvantaged. Di and I donated to build a park for disadvantaged children! We help out in our community, so it would be nice if the politicians supposedly representing that community looked out for us too. There's nothing worse than a politician, you know. I could never stay married to a politician. Maybe I would be one, if the women's business fashion industry for women politicians were a little more chill. Have you _seen_ what female politicians have to wear these days? Hillary, you need a makeover. Carly, so do you. 

_"Can we talk about it after we discuss what to do about Mrs. Robbinson? I cannot allow her to stress Moss out like this."_

I know, we should let our children fight their own battles, and I know I could handle mine in high school, but the world has changed since then. Now grades are locked in automatically and Moss has to get them changed as they happen - no small feat. While I'm proud of what Moss has been able to do to further her post-secondary educational options, Mrs. Robbinson (not named after the classic song, thank goodness) insists on giving Moss and Naleada and their friends all Cs! Cs! The stress this is causing Moss is extraordinary. All because, like their mothers, Naleada and Moss have a talent for the spoken word. Yes, it's Speech class, and I know my girl can talk.

Mrs Robbinson doesn't like their inflection, their topics, or their arguments in their speeches. I can't help it if I raised a strong, independent, woman who doesn't bow to the pressures of society and has a unique yet fully qualified view of looking at the world. Di doesn't let things fester, so I know there will probably be a letter to Principal Jackson soon, demanding that something be done. With secondary education in this country where it is right now, just money and her name isn't going to enough to get Moss in anywhere decent. She's going to need a solid 4.0 grade point average. 

_"Apparently Naleada said 'Whatever' in a speech. Again, Cher, when did the 90s start coming back? Tai said this would happen, remember?"_

Tai would love for the 90s to come back. Tai is still living in the 90s and she's still our little project. We knew, Di and Murray and I, that it couldn't last forever. She didn't attend our college, for one. For two, she got _pregnant_ right away. And then got pregnant again. And never married either father. Ew. I'm glad Di and I waited until we were in a financially, emotionally, and educationally better place before having our own children. Her two boys, Jackson and Grayson, are adorable, and they've learned from their mother’s mistakes and are both solidly off at college, thanks to the hard work Di and I put in. They were our test run for Naleada and Moss. Both of them ruled their respective years at Valley High. At least she managed to name _ahead_ of the trend; that's important. Di and I helped with that, too. 

Tai lives in the Valley, which is unfortunate, but there's nothing to be done about it. She at least managed to get her life back on track and follow in the footsteps of Di and I to open her own business. It's a hair and nail place, in the Valley, of course, so it's not perfect, but at least she's not a complete charity case any more. She even manages to-

_"Oh my god, Di. You have to come! Manny's is having a sale. And I think I see those blue twisted half pumps you've had your eye on."_

_"Save them for me! I will be there in five! Ashton, come on. Mommy has to go shopping. No. Stop it. You are acting like your father right now, and Mommy is not happy. Ugh, Cher, make that ten minutes. Murray is ruining this child, I tell you."_

Some things never change, and that's a good thing.


End file.
